A letter to a 13-year-old

I'm going to graduate high school soon, and I'm going to college. What felt really far away for you is basically a couple of months for me. Here are some things I wish I could've told you.

Being chronically online 4 years ago did numbers on you. You went from a happily cringe, undertale/minecraft pewdiepie fan to an abhorrent tiny ball of hatred. You stopped taking care of your body even though you were so close to doing your first pull-up. You spent hours and hours on youtube and discord, but who can blame you? Everyone was doing that. I wish you could know what I know now.

In freshman year, I wish you cared less about your grades. Studying is hard, and studying after you basically didn't do anything for 2 years: it was bound to take some time. But you weren't even that bad off, You seriously cried over getting 12/14 on a physics quiz? Are you serious? I wish you didn't care so much about how you looked to other people. You put too much on your plate with activities, You should've spent more time with your friends, outdoors.

But you developed some hobbies and started playing the piano after a hiatus during the pandemic. Your fashion got better… not like it was a high bar. You started reading books and became obsessed with this game Omori. And you started playing Genshin impact.

In sophomore year, I wish you were less angry. Oh and you really should've gotten a haircut earlier. But I get it, because I was there, it felt like everything was trapping you and like you just weren't good at anything anymore. Nothing felt enjoyable and it was so hard getting up from bed at all. Your grades slipped, you were insecure, your sleep schedule sucked ass, you skipped school. It was close to depression and it was hard. Your behavior pushed your friends away from you. Your first relationships didn't go so well. You obsessed over skincare and pimples. But you never should've yelled at your mom, especially since she was the one who cared the most. And be thankful she's the one who got you out of that slump. Yelled at you good and showed you that the world doesn't revolve around you and you need to get up and do something for yourself.

But bad things come to an end and you pulled off one of the most impressive academic comebacks, I don't even know how you did it. You put yourself back on track: and suddenly math and science was interesting again. And you kept reading and studying even when you didn't have to. Your social skills improved.

In junior year, I wish you spent less time feeling so insecure. You had so many great people around you but you still felt so lonely. You might've not hung out every day or every free period but that time you spent with yourself is just as valuable as the time you spent with good company. You had plenty of time to think and evaluate, and discover new things you love. You discovered personal websites, the old web, and here we are now, typing out a blog for this website we built with shitty HTML. You made significant progress in your journey to become an engineer. You met amazing people. And most importantly, you started taking care of your physical health again. You took up running. The skincare paid off a bit too!

In senior year, we're doing well. Obviously not everything is perfect, but it's not supposed to be: I don't wanna be someone who peaks in high school after all! We made some amends with people. College applications were tough but our crazy work ethic powered through and we got a lot of stuff done early. We're already in college and have plenty of options to choose from. We're starting to make good progress with physical health and playing more sports. A part of me still feels like I didn't do enough in high school. A bit of FOMO by not being in a relationship right now, with no one to take to prom. Soon, I'll be moving on to a new stage in my life.

Bye!!!