I turned 18 last week tuesday which was fun, but I barely got to celebrate. I had to wake up for an 3 hr 8 am lab that day, and had classes until 6:30. I went to a buffet place with my friends. I wanted to bake a cake with my friends for my 18th birthday but for the rest of the week I was so busy. On wednesday I had a chemistry quiz, so I spent the evening of my birthday studying for it, and then studying for it the next day. After the quiz which ended at 9:15 pm, I worked on my lab report until 2-3am. I was on good pace for this lab report, but then the next day, my laptop bricked right before my web dev class, so I skipped half of that class to fix it (it was just the ssd being funky opening up the laptop was all i needed to do). Then I spent until 5 am finishing the lab report. I was realy upset because I didn’t even leave the lab report until last minute to do, I started working on it 4 days beforehand. But without getting to complicated, the values I collected from lab made the calculations section of the lab report super hard to do. I skipped a class and a half because of this lab report the next day.
I was hoping that this was just a bad week and everything was over, but this was definitely not the case. I was really reaching a boiling point because it was like I was on a losing streak. Everything bad was happening and I was just taking it hoping something good would happen. But no, besides saturday which I got to rest, Sunday was one of the worst days ever. I woke up at around 11:30 cus i love sleeping in but very frustratingly my engineering group project members suddenly asked to meet at 12:00 to work on the project. I was annoyed because i felt like i had already provided such a substantial amount of work for the group, i did the coding, was the main person being the circuiting (added RFID scanner to our game), then also contributed to the poster. But i went anyways and stayed there until 3pm (i had not eaten anything) and then i took the housing back to my dorm to paint it make it look nice and stuff. I trusted my group members with the soldering, and i admitted to them that i wasnt very good at soldering so i didnt want to do it. I also left early bc i just didnt wanna be there anymore. It was a bad idea to, because the damn project just would not work after it was all soldered.
The next day, monday, i went to the engineering lab at 5pm to see what i could do b/c we all agreed to meet up. But then, one of my group members suddenly said “i have something to do at 5:30” and then left the entire project, the fucked eletronics to me. I was just there struggling to see what they did wrong on the tiny protoboard, trying my best to desolder and solve the issues. I WAS THERE UNTIL 10 PM!! Eventually the girl who soldered it came and let me just say i dont like this girl very much at all. I knew she usually means well, but she is not very helpful at all for our work. She’s both very quiet while we have our brainstorming and doesn’t really do good effective work, but also very pushy over text? Always pestering us over something about the project, and being a little bit aggressive when we don’t have time. For context she has a lot more free time than us this sem bc she has AP credit for chemistry, while everyone else on the group still has chemistry.
Anyways she came, and like every other meeting we have she is just not useful at all. Basically just staring at me do the work. One of the other guys finally comes at 9 pm (he lowk got a good reason tho) and then now we have 3/4 group members there, just not sure how to fix this thing. So eventually we just reassemble it on the breadboard and set it up for the project. The next day, tuesday im exhausted. I got a cut on my throat and it hurts like hell, making eating and swallowing so shit. This sucks cus i just recovered from getting sick a third time. At this point i dont know why my body just hates me, i got sick 3 times in 3 months.
After my 8 am - 11 am chem lab on tuesday 11/18 i was happy cus it was our last lab. After this class, i have 2 hrs until we gotta submit the project. So we go meet up one last time and try our best. One of my gourp members talked to our professor who said “just assemble it on the breadboard to show your game works” and so thats what we do. we all agree that we’re gonna have to bite the bullet and take a hit to our grade, then put everything else back together. We get to class, and then the TA comes to observe our game, and the ONLY good thing that has happened to me in 2 weeks happens, and he likes our game and doesn’t even notice that its hooked up to a breadboard! Thankfully we get a 99 on the project.
I remember walking out of class and feeling really strange, realizing i genuinely could not remember much of the past 2 weeks except study, study, work on projects, get sick, and study. I hadn’t practiced piano in 2 and a half weeks, i hadn’t gone to the gym in 3 weeks, i hadn’t played volleyball or basketball in a month.
Ok but thats not the ending i dont get happy endings cus today in my engineering class the same girl who fucked up the soldering is telling us we should meet up again to fix up the project (i agree with this cus we still need to have it fully presentable at december). But one of the guys is like “ok im heading home” and just dips instantly which is fair enough, so shes keeping me and this other guy here. And so im kinda done like we just finished this engineering lab class, im not tryna sit and do more soldering fixing YOUR mistakes that you fucked up on our project, while u sit there and pretend to be helpful by sticking ur face right next to mine instead of helping. I tell her oh sorry i got class at 5 to 6:30 and right now im gonna go eat because i havent ate yet, shes like “lets meet at 7 then” BRO im actually wanna lose my shit now cus does she think i dont need to eat dinner (dining halls close at 8) then i tell her sorry thats too tight then i walk out cus im mad and dont do something stupid like argue.
Oh well
I made a currently public but 0 followers twitter ive been using to just say shit recently. I use the whole social media part of it very sparingly, not interacting with shitty echo chamber politics nor toxic fandoms. Only vkei so far.
at least with the academic stress i forgot how lonely i was