Freedom
7/21/25I'm back from Taiwan! 4 week trip. I go back every year but this was an unfortunate year without my grandpa. It was really quiet getting to his home (which is now my moms) and not hearing the TV and his radio. Taiwan is naturally hot as fuck, 90-100 farenheit daily HUMID heat (usually hovers 70-90% humidity in the summer) I love going back to Taiwan but I do not love heat.
I had a lot of time to myself and family. I turned my instagram 1hr 30 minute screen time limit to 30 minutes. I spent a lot of time thinking, which by the third week brought me a lot of stress, but I believe it was something to learn from. Getting to leave 5000 miles away from home meant I got to escape my obligations.
I took the last measure to fully disconnect this website from my personal life online— removing it from my discord bio.
When I first created this site, I was excited and wanted to show it off to my friends, which I did. But then I realized that I'd lost sight of what this site (pun) was supposed to be, a hidey hole where I can not give a shit and stop faking everything. I think I understand it now, I've been faking too much of everything.
In highschool, you realize you need to watch your words to not piss anyone off, and also you can let loose a little bit around certain ppl and make edgier jokes. I met a LOT (thousands!) of people in high school and I since I'm always scared of the conversation going stale I really started adjusting myself to whoever I talked to. I don't think this is necessarily a bad trait to have or a bad thing to do at all— but my genuine self and social self became so disconnected. Even with my closest friend group, (guys I've known for 10+ years), I can't really talk about certain things with them.
With my website in my bio I felt pretty paranoid about who would possibly see.
But now, I think I can actually do what I want now. I can talk about cosplay crossdressing, yuri manga (I've been reading yuri manga since 2020 and I've never told anyone I read it before), volleyball, makeup, skincare, and probably post some photos of myself. I can talk shit about people now!
It was weird cus some friends would poke fun at me for being girly-ish. (I'm not gay or trans just so you know) I suppose it made me insecure because I started watching what I said and even how I designed this website, even though I wasn't even sure they even knew this website existed.
Even my sister (who taught me makeup and probably knew the most about me) I wasn't really my genuine self with. At one point I made fun of her for watching anime (even though we grew up watching naruto together…) and I would secretly read manga on my phone when no one was watching. I don't think she gave a shit at all…
I'm loosening up more now. Not just on this website but in real life. I'm going to be more genuine, and I'm going to start that with my fashion. In taiwan I went to 2nd street to thrift a lot and bought other things. Lastly I want to finally grow my hair out into a longer wolfcut instead of keeping the medium-long middle part bangs I've had for a while.
Going to Taiwan was good to get away from my obligations. Whether it was needing to respond to every message, needing to practice piano everyday, or needing to hang out and make plans. It was nice. I feel a bit guilty for saying that I wasn't exactly happy the entire trip. I was stressed a lot, and I might've been burnt out— we were going outside every day for 8-10 hours, and my parents just love to bicker. But I'm grateful.
I'm going to write another blog later but I'm really jetlagged because of the 12 hour time difference.
And I'm going to finally set up a photo gallery since we found a sony cybershot that was left over, I took tons of photos
Expect many Arduino projects coming soon!
Also I got addicted to the Horse racing anime!
somewhere in Ximending